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moonlightwings

The Ideal Self

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Jul. 22nd, 2005 | 01:08 am
mood: awakeawake
music: "Violet" by Birthday Massacre
posted by: lilitheraine in moonlightwings

(( I had to restart this entry as the first time around, it sounded like I was blabbing..... ))

I'm sitting here thinking of how I am going to go about and talk about the Ideal Self, without sounding vain in my own case. My Ideal Self, also my inner monster, isnt just a physical description of how she dresses, how she looks and her movements, but also on where she lives, how she lives, what she does for a living, how she acts, why she does it and things like that.

I sat at my laptop today and spent a good couple of hours customizing it. When i finally closed down all my programs and restarted my computer, I examined the new look. A new Logon screen. A new theme. A new background. Different screensaver. My computer's name is "Squishy" (( yes, after Finding Nemo )) but my laptop is also probably going to be my main work which I am going to call "Sweet Divinity Industries." Nothing really industrial about it, but it'd be about several aspects of art, music, things of that nature.

When that was finished, I recalled the night I spent a lot of time customizing the colours for my LiveJournal, the night I revamped it's layout and colour-coding. All that practically random colour choosing turned out into something that reminded me of the Ideal me, colourful, bright, chipper, friendly, and contemplative. Rather weird, but still good. i felt accomplished that night, I felt accomplished today.

I look at the new streak of colour in my bangs, a fading mix of pink and purple with a blue tip. I think of my new 6gauge and I am happy that my dream gauging has been reached. I love it..... a ton.

Bits and pieces of the physical me are showing through, little by little.

But what about the mental me? I admit, I've still got a long way to go.

I miss the friendly access and stability I had back in Lake Orion. I learned a lot back then, I was gaining knowledge quickly and felt positive about myself there. Here in Midland, positivity is lacking but I try to keep a better outlook on what I want to do and where I want to go. I'll keep a mini-library. Books about Mythology, Philosophy, Fiction, Urban Legends and a ton of other fun stuff. of course, I'll still be naive, ditzy and a ton of other goofy things too, but still. I want to have that extreme curiosity I had back at home.

The Psychological and Emotional me........ she's pleasant, friendly, open-minded, an abstract thinker, fun, goofy, hyper, happy (( most of the time )) and just plain loving life, no matter what issues she faces. She doesnt get stressed normally. The Ideal me is laid-back, yet responsible and aims to get her bills paid before she goes out to have fun with friends with whatever money is left. She may still be attending school, but for fun. She already has her degree in Visual Communications and working a steady job, going to class on the weekends, Saturday mainly, that way she can go out at night. The rest of the weekend is for fun, relaxing, and chilling with her buds.

Her physical living quarters........ there's a roomy, yet humble apartment...... above the street so she can look down at the cars as they drive by. There's a building across the street, possibly a bank or big business. There's a window she looks out when she's sitting at her computer, finalizing commission details, looking up Internet resources, updating a website or two, working, you name it. Behind her is the bookcase where she keeps her main library of books. There's a few in a nightstand in her room. She keeps a stereo next to her computer, as well as a keyboard. Music is her hobby and she's trying to piece together a few songs, no real intent to go anywhere, but just for hers, as well as her friends' entertainment. There's a TV in her room, as well as the living room, which is also a wide, open space, perfect for dancing. The kitchen has a few dirty dishes but those'll be cleaned after dinner, more than likely. Something she learned from her dad is to make sure the kitchen sink doesnt have any dirty dishes by night's end. If there are, take care of them after breakfast the next morning.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I may be a bum and still living at home..... a major lazy-ass, but the responsibility is there. Honest.

Change is occuring, again slowly but most definitely.....

I dont know but it seems I've been in lighter moods since I got commissioned earlier this week. The ear-gauging and the hair-dying just added to the good mood.

=3

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